Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
