You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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