his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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