Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
