Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
