I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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