Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
