so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you had me at cake vodka
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
