Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
