coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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