areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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