Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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