Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
