hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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