You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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