he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
