Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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