im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
