My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
