Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
