And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hate your face
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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