OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
