Nicole vs. Life
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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