He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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