I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
