woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
