stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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