I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Come share oat with me in your robe
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
