bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
