so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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