After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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