My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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