Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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