My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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