i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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