I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
