I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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