A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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