so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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