Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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