I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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