i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
