she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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