I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
