drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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