What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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