I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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