I CAN MOONWALK!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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