did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
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i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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