just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
