there's paper in my vomit.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm always down for nudity.
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