My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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