How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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