Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize