i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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