and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I could make wine with my vomit
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
