Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I can text with my tongue
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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