If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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