i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
