Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
