True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
