i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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