what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
