yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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