we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
