The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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