Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
