do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
