who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
