p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
