If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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