Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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