you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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