I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
