So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
