I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
