So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
